A cord cutting ritual is a spiritual practice for releasing the energetic ties that keep you hooked to a person, a place, or an old situation. Many practitioners believe every close connection creates an invisible cord between you and the other person, and that some cords keep draining your energy long after the relationship has ended. A cord cutting ritual symbolically cuts those ties, usually with a candle spell, a cord or string you cut or burn, or a guided meditation. It's done for your own peace, not to harm or control anyone else.
What Is Cord Cutting?
Cord cutting is the idea that the connections in your life are made of energy, and that you can consciously release the ones you no longer want to carry. In modern energy work and witchcraft, these connections are often pictured as cords or threads running from your aura or energy field to the people, places, and memories you're tied to.
Most cords are healthy. The bond with a close friend, a parent, or a pet is a connection you'd want to keep. Cord cutting is for the other kind: the ex you still think about every day, the coworker who leaves you drained, the old argument you keep replaying, or the habit you're trying to break. Cutting a cord doesn't erase a memory or a relationship. It's a way of taking your own energy back and saying, "I'm done carrying this."
Why Rituals Help With Letting Go
You don't have to believe in energetic cords for a ritual to help. In a 2014 study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, Harvard researchers Michael Norton and Francesca Gino found that people who performed a ritual after a loss, including a breakup, reported less grief than people who didn't, and the effect held even for people who didn't believe rituals work (Norton and Gino, 2014). The researchers traced it to a feeling of regained control. A cord cutting ritual gives a painful ending a clear, physical shape: something you do with your own hands to mark that it's over.
When to Do a Cord Cutting Ritual
People most often do a cord cutting ritual:
- After a breakup or divorce, when you can't stop thinking about the other person.
- After a friendship or family relationship ends or changes in a way that hurts.
- When someone drains you, even if you still see them, like a coworker or relative.
- After moving out of a home or leaving a job that held a lot of stress.
- When you're breaking a habit and want to mark a clean start.
- When you feel stuck replaying an old situation or conversation.
Many practitioners time cord cutting for a waning moon, when the moon is shrinking, because it's traditionally a time for releasing and letting go. The night after a full moon or a Saturday, the day of Saturn and endings, are also popular choices. Our moon calendar shows tonight's phase.
A cord cutting ritual can help you mark an ending, but it doesn't replace real-world support. If a relationship was abusive or you don't feel safe, please reach out to someone trained to help.
How to Do a Cord Cutting Ritual With Candles
This is the most popular form of cord cutting: two candles, one for you and one for the other person, joined by a piece of string that you cut or burn through.
You'll need:
- Two small candles, such as chime candles (white or black are traditional; black for banishing and white for a clean slate)
- About 12 inches of plain cotton string or thread
- Two candle holders or a fireproof tray
- Scissors
- Something to write with and a slip of paper (optional)
- A small bowl of salt water or a bit of black salt for cleansing afterward (optional)
Steps:
- Cleanse your space. Open a window, smoke cleanse, or simply tidy the area so it feels clear.
- Name the candles. Carve or write your name on one candle and the other person's name, or the situation's name, on the other. If you'd like, write a few words about what you're releasing on the slip of paper.
- Tie the cord. Tie one end of the string around the base of each candle and set them about 6 to 12 inches apart, so the string runs between them.
- Light the candles. As you light them, picture the connection between you and the other person, and notice where you feel it in your body.
- Speak your intention. Say the words below, or your own.
- Cut the cord. Cut the string in the middle with your scissors. If you'd rather burn it, hold the center of the string to one flame over the fireproof tray and let it burn through, then put out any embers right away.
- Let the candles burn down. Chime candles take about an hour and a half to two hours. Stay with them the whole time, and snuff them if you need to leave.
- Close the ritual. Wash your hands with salt water, or sprinkle a little salt around the candles, and say "it is done."
- Dispose of the remains. Throw away or bury the two halves of the string separately, away from your home. Our guide to disposing of spell candles covers the wax.
Safety: never leave burning candles unattended, keep the string well away from anything flammable, and do the burning version only over a fireproof tray. Our candle flame meaning guide explains what to check first if the flames behave strangely.
Words for a Cord Cutting Ritual
Speak these as you cut the cord:
"The cord between us I now untie; I take back what's mine and say goodbye."
Or, for a gentler release:
"With love I free you, with love I'm free; what's yours goes home, what's mine stays with me."
Cord Cutting Meditation
If you don't want to use candles or string, you can cut cords in a guided meditation. This version is adapted from the teachings of Christopher Penczak, cofounder of the Temple of Witchcraft, and it was the original heart of this page. Read it through a few times first, or record yourself reading it slowly.
- Relax. Sit or lie somewhere comfortable, close your eyes, and let your body loosen.
- Count down. Count slowly from 12 to 1, picturing each number. Then count from 12 to 1 again without picturing anything, letting yourself sink deeper.
- Call in support. Know that your guides, ancestors, or whatever you hold sacred are with you, and that anything you do here is for your highest good.
- Go to your safe place. Picture a door in front of you. Open it to find your favorite place in the world, real or imagined, and step through.
- Look at your aura. Become aware of the energy field around your body. Notice its color, whether it looks clear or hazy, and whether you see any dark patches, holes, or cords.
- Clear the dark spots. Gently scoop out any gray or black patches and watch them burst into white light.
- Unplug the cords. For each cord or tube coming out of your aura, pull it out like a plug from a wall socket. Let it go and watch it pull back, far away from you, like a vacuum cleaner cord.
- Patch the holes. Fill each gap with white light, smoothing it over the way you'd patch and paint a wall.
- Recharge. Picture your whole aura filling with bright, clean light until it glows.
- Come back. Walk back through the door, close it behind you, and count slowly from 1 to 12. Wiggle your fingers and toes, open your eyes, and drink a glass of water.
If you want to work more with your energy field, our guide to aura colors covers what each color is said to mean.
How Does Cord Cutting Affect the Other Person?
A cord cutting ritual is meant to release your side of the connection, not to hurt or control the other person. Most practitioners believe the other person won't be harmed, and many say the release goes both ways: you're freeing them from your attention, too. Some people report that the other person reaches out soon after a cord cutting, but that isn't the goal, and it's not something to read too much into.
Because cord cutting is about your own energy, it doesn't need the other person's consent, and it shouldn't be used to punish anyone. If you want to send harm back where it came from, that's a different kind of working, covered in our return to sender spell guide.
What to Expect After a Cord Cutting Ritual
Many people say they feel lighter, calmer, or more like themselves after a cord cutting. Others feel sad or tired for a day or two, the way you might after a good cry, because letting go of something is still a loss. Both are normal.
A few signs practitioners take as a sign the ritual is working:
- You think about the person or situation less often, or with less of a sting.
- Old triggers lose some of their pull.
- You have more energy for the people and things you care about now.
- You stop replaying the same conversations in your head.
Some cords take more than one ritual, especially after a long relationship. It's common to repeat a cord cutting on the next waning moon. Taking care of yourself afterward helps too: a cleansing spiritual bath, rest, time outside, and a little journaling.
Cord Cutting FAQ
What is a cord cutting ritual?
A cord cutting ritual is a spiritual practice for releasing energetic ties to a person, place, or situation. It's usually done with two candles joined by a string that you cut or burn, or with a guided meditation.
How does cord cutting affect the other person?
It's meant to release your side of the connection only. Most practitioners believe it doesn't harm the other person, and many see it as freeing both of you.
Do I need the other person's permission to cut a cord?
No. Cord cutting is about your own energy and what you choose to carry. It shouldn't be used to harm or control anyone.
How do I know if cord cutting worked?
Many people notice they think about the person less, old triggers lose their sting, and they have more energy. Some cords take more than one ritual, especially after a long relationship.
Are there side effects of cord cutting?
Some people feel tired, emotional, or sad for a day or two afterward, because letting go is still a kind of loss. Rest, drink water, and be gentle with yourself.
When is the best time to do a cord cutting ritual?
Many practitioners choose a waning moon, the night after a full moon, or a Saturday, all traditional times for endings and release.
Can you cut a cord with someone you still love?
Yes. Some people cut cords to release an unhealthy pattern while keeping the love, like with a family member. Many practitioners say only the draining part of the connection is cut.
Can I do a cord cutting without candles?
Yes. The guided meditation on this page needs no tools at all, or you can simply cut a piece of string with scissors while you speak your intention.
Featured photo: Flore Perrault on Unsplash.
